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Mom Apologizes After Accidentally Sending Son to Elementary School in Obscene Shirt
Mom Apologizes After Accidentally Sending Son to Elementary School in Obscene Shirt
Mom Apologizes After Accidentally Sending Son to Elementary School in Obscene Shirt
Once again The Washington Post has published the winning submissions to its yearly neologism contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternative meanings for common words.
The winners are:
1. Coffee (n.), the person upon whom one coughs.
j
2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.
3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent.
6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightgown.
7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.
8. Gargoyle
, olive-flavoured mouthwash.
9. Flatulence (n.), emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.
10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.
11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.
12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
13. Pokemon, a Rastafarian proctologist.
14. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), (back by popular demand): The belief that, when you die, your soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
16. Circumvent (n.), an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.
The Washington Post's Style Invitational also asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.
The winners are:
-Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
-Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.
-Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.
-Inoculatte (v): To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
-Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)
- Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these Really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.
- Glibido (v): All talk and no action.
- Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.
- Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a grub in the fruit you're eating.
And the pick of the literature:
- Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an *censored*.
The winners are:
1. Coffee (n.), the person upon whom one coughs.
j
2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.
3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent.
6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightgown.
7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.
8. Gargoyle
, olive-flavoured mouthwash.9. Flatulence (n.), emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.
10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.
11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.
12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
13. Pokemon
, a Rastafarian proctologist.14. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), (back by popular demand): The belief that, when you die, your soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
16. Circumvent (n.), an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.
The Washington Post's Style Invitational also asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.
The winners are:
-Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
-Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.
-Sarchasm
: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.-Inoculatte (v): To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
-Osteopornosis
: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)- Karmageddon
: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these Really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.- Glibido (v): All talk and no action.
- Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.
- Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a grub in the fruit you're eating.
And the pick of the literature:
- Ignoranus
: A person who's both stupid and an *censored*.
An Irishman walks into the bedroom with a sheep on a leash and says....
"Honey, this is the cow I make love to when you have a headache."
The wife, lying in the bed reading a book, looks up and says, "If you weren't such an idiot, you'd know that's a sheep, not a cow."
The guy replies, "If you weren't such a presumptuous bitch, you'd realise I was talking to the sheep."
"Honey, this is the cow I make love to when you have a headache."
The wife, lying in the bed reading a book, looks up and says, "If you weren't such an idiot, you'd know that's a sheep, not a cow."
The guy replies, "If you weren't such a presumptuous bitch, you'd realise I was talking to the sheep."
@Aravind
Center one. All aggro and enthu. Kakinada Express. Ploughing deep with his little hul ....
#IndicAryanStuds @STEPHEN COHEN
@bonobashi @Nilgiri comments?
Cheers, Doc
Center one. All aggro and enthu. Kakinada Express. Ploughing deep with his little hul ....
#IndicAryanStuds @STEPHEN COHEN
@bonobashi @Nilgiri comments?
Cheers, Doc
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@Aravind
Center one. All aggro and enthu. Kakinada Express. Ploughing deep with his little hul ....
#IndicAryanStuds @STEPHEN COHEN
@bonobashi @Nilgiri comments?
Cheers, Doc
Caption
Why Parsi girls won't pick Parsi boys for marriage
Pearl Dalal, 27, taps her feet to the music, even dances when asked. But midway through the evening, she decides to leave.
“Most guys I met were much older. It is so demoralising,” says Dalal, who works as an assistant manager at a cruise line. “I met a guy who was well into his forties. I referred to him as taame (‘you’ in Gujarati, used to indicate respect). It turned out that he was a relative, and then, he proposed! I felt so insulted by his audacity.”
Parsis, often heralded as one of India’s most liberal communities, can be insular about preserving their bloodline and shockingly patriarchal, explains Wadia. “It’s crazy to expect that our boys and girls will find their perfect match only within this limited pool.” The catch, he says, is that only Parsi girls, never the boys, stand to lose if they dare to marry outside the community: a home in a Parsi baug can never be inherited by the daughter; she can never enter an agiary, forget going in with her children; and neither she nor her children can avail benefits of Parsi trust funds.
“Children of Parsi men who marry non-Parsis aren’t denied any of these rights. You push the girls into a corner, and then complain that many choose to remain single? What do the self-proclaimed upholders of the community expect but an army of half-Parsis so jaded that they wouldn’t look back at their own religion? This is worse than Talibanisation,” says Wadia.
Men don’t like itBack at the singles meet, after the party ends, a group of men sit around for a chat. J Batliwala (name changed) first refuses to talk because “he has only acid to spew”. But he opens up when promised anonymity. “Parsi girls are materialistic. 90% marry outside the community, and the rest probe us about our incomes and education.”
Should they not? “They should,” says Farhad M, looking annoyed.
“But shouldn’t they at least give us a chance?”
“Poor parenting,” chants Batliwala. Cyrus K, 38, tries to pacify Batliwala. “We know we are not exactly young. But even when we approach girls in our age group, it is a humiliating experience. They want everything.”
Why not, asks Diana Besania. The 26-year-old assistant manager at Jet Air Tours is a regular at the matrimony meets. “I have worked hard for this, and it isn’t my fault that the guys scraped through graduation. One fellow actually told me, ‘A competitive career woman cannot be a cooperative wife!” Dalal concurs. “It’s impossible to get along with someone who isn’t as enterprising, and can’t even hold a conversation. I need a life partner, not someone I’ll have to babysit in a difficult situation.”
Goolrookh Gupta, 45, says she was engaged to a Parsi boy, but they were not compatible, and she married a Punjabi later. “I tried hard to marry within the community, but it didn’t work,” she says. “My 19-year-old daughter was a firm believer, but after seeing all this, she can’t stand Zoroastrianism.”
caption : Letter From A Lonely Parsi Bachelor - Parsi Times
Center None ! No aggro, no ova, no beej, Refugee Express, needs somebody to do the needful and propagate
#I-RAN-FROM-I-RAN-AS-A-REFUGEE
I still ask did you know my length from a female member in your circle who measured mine while it was up?
You can count me in anytime, if you need a Man to make babies
#IraniAryanDuds @STEPHEN COHEN
Get a Shot of testosterone and viagra .
@bonobashi @Nilgiri comments?
Cheers, Doc
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In order to know of this incident you must have been in the room, and you are not Irish or a woman, so your joke is not baaaad.
Classic one
Ever since Paddy Moore was a child, he had a fear of someone under his bed at night.
So he went to a Psychiatrist and told him "I've got problems.
Every time I go to bed
I think there's somebody under it.
I'm scared.
I think I'm going crazy."
"Just put yourself in my hands for one year", said the psychiatrist.
"Come, talk to me three times a week and we should be able to get rid of those fears."
"How much do you charge?"
'$200 per visit,' replied
the doctor.
'I'll think of it and if needed I will come back to you,'
Paddy said.
Six months later he met the Psychiatrist on the street.
'Why didn't you come to see me about those fears you were having?' he asked.
'Well, $200 a visit three times a week for a year is an awful lot of money!
A Indian friend of mine cured me for the price of one plate biryani and a bottle of coke.
I was so happy to have saved all that money that I went and bought myself a new SUV".
'Is that so!' with a bit of an attitude he said, 'and how, may I ask, did the friend cure you?'
He told me to
"Sell the bed and sleep on a Mattress on the floor."
Moral:
TO HELL WITH THOSE PSYCHIATRISTS..
GO TALK TO YOUR friend, especially if you happen to be Irish & your friend an Indian.
There is always an INDIAN way to solve a difficult problem...
