Funny Stuff
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A car full of Irish nuns is sitting at a traffic light in downtown Dublin, when a bunch of rowdy drunks pull up alongside of them.
"Hey, show us yer tits, ya bloody penguins!" shouts one of the drunks.
Quite shocked, Mother Superior turns to Sister Mary Immaculata and says, "I don't think they know who we are; show them your cross."
Sister Mary Immaculata rolls down her window and shouts, "Piss off, ya fookin' little wankers, before I come over there and rip yer balls off!"
Sister Mary Immaculata then rolls up her window, looks back at Mother Superior, quite innocently, and asks, "Did that sound cross enough?"
@BMD
"Hey, show us yer tits, ya bloody penguins!" shouts one of the drunks.
Quite shocked, Mother Superior turns to Sister Mary Immaculata and says, "I don't think they know who we are; show them your cross."
Sister Mary Immaculata rolls down her window and shouts, "Piss off, ya fookin' little wankers, before I come over there and rip yer balls off!"
Sister Mary Immaculata then rolls up her window, looks back at Mother Superior, quite innocently, and asks, "Did that sound cross enough?"
@BMD
Shared in this group for the love of politics
Read to the end la
A Russian Jew had been allowed to emigrate to Israel.
At Moscow airport, customs found a Lenin statue in his baggage and asked him, "What is this?"
The man replied, "What is this? Wrong question comrade. You should have asked : Who is he? This is Comrade Lenin. He laid the foundations of socialism and created the future and prosperity of the Russian people. I am taking it with me as a memory of our hero days."
The Russian customs officer was a bit shamed and let him go without further inspection.
At Tel Aviv airport, the customs officer also asks our friend, "What is this?"
He replies, "What is this? Wrong question Sir. You should be asking 'Who is this?' This is Lenin, a *censored* that made me, as a Jew leave Russia. I take this statue with me so I can curse him every day."
The Israeli customs officer said, "I apologize Sir, you can go on."
In Israel, when he arrives at his new house, he puts the statue on a table.
To celebrate his immigration, he invite his friends and relatives to dinner.
One of his friends asks him, "Who is this?"
He replies, "My dear friend, 'Who is this' is a wrong question. You should have asked, What is this? This is ten kilograms of solid gold that I managed to bring with me without customs and tax."
MORAL :-
Politics is when you perform the same mess in different ways depending on the audience. The end result will be good in every way.
NOTE :
Now while this is true of the Jews, this is also true of some other nationalities like the Chinese & Indians composed as it is of various ethnicities. One could extend it to the Italians too & other such nationalities or ethnicities of Europe. Closer to your home, the English, Welsh & Scots too could identify with it. But never the Irish.
Proof - well I happened to forward it to a few Irish friends of mine - the ones who forward me various Irish jokes. Out of the 6, 3 ignored it, 1 posted a yawn , 1 - a TLDR ( he's suffering from ADHD) & the 3rd actually asked me to explain it. Normally these folk send me a smiley as a response to every anecdote I forward them. I, actually , make it a point to forward them silly slapstick jokes - ones which don't exactly tax their limited resources & elicit easy laughs. Also, they're easily entertained.
So, you see genes, heritage, legacy & cliches are all true especially if you know how to sift grain from all the husk which isn't very difficult when it comes to the Irish. Or, You better believe everything about them that you hear to be true including the most cliched & stupid stories.
@BMD
Read to the end la
A Russian Jew had been allowed to emigrate to Israel.
At Moscow airport, customs found a Lenin statue in his baggage and asked him, "What is this?"
The man replied, "What is this? Wrong question comrade. You should have asked : Who is he? This is Comrade Lenin. He laid the foundations of socialism and created the future and prosperity of the Russian people. I am taking it with me as a memory of our hero days."
The Russian customs officer was a bit shamed and let him go without further inspection.
At Tel Aviv airport, the customs officer also asks our friend, "What is this?"
He replies, "What is this? Wrong question Sir. You should be asking 'Who is this?' This is Lenin, a *censored* that made me, as a Jew leave Russia. I take this statue with me so I can curse him every day."
The Israeli customs officer said, "I apologize Sir, you can go on."
In Israel, when he arrives at his new house, he puts the statue on a table.
To celebrate his immigration, he invite his friends and relatives to dinner.
One of his friends asks him, "Who is this?"
He replies, "My dear friend, 'Who is this' is a wrong question. You should have asked, What is this? This is ten kilograms of solid gold that I managed to bring with me without customs and tax."
MORAL :-
Politics is when you perform the same mess in different ways depending on the audience. The end result will be good in every way.
NOTE :
Now while this is true of the Jews, this is also true of some other nationalities like the Chinese & Indians composed as it is of various ethnicities. One could extend it to the Italians too & other such nationalities or ethnicities of Europe. Closer to your home, the English, Welsh & Scots too could identify with it. But never the Irish.
Proof - well I happened to forward it to a few Irish friends of mine - the ones who forward me various Irish jokes. Out of the 6, 3 ignored it, 1 posted a yawn , 1 - a TLDR ( he's suffering from ADHD) & the 3rd actually asked me to explain it. Normally these folk send me a smiley as a response to every anecdote I forward them. I, actually , make it a point to forward them silly slapstick jokes - ones which don't exactly tax their limited resources & elicit easy laughs. Also, they're easily entertained.
So, you see genes, heritage, legacy & cliches are all true especially if you know how to sift grain from all the husk which isn't very difficult when it comes to the Irish. Or, You better believe everything about them that you hear to be true including the most cliched & stupid stories.
@BMD
Many suspect the standard of Russian military personnel is on the decline after recent video.
Subject: Free sex and petrol
Honest Paddy
'A gas station owner who happened to be an Englishman in Cork was trying to increase his sales .So he put up a sign that read,
" Free Sex with Fill - Up. "
Soon Paddy pulled in, filled his tank and asked for his free sex. The owner told him to pick a number from 1 to 10.
If he guessed correctly, he would get his free sex. the Irishman guessed 8, and the proprietor said, 'You were close. The number was 7. Sorry. No sex this time.'
A week later, the Irishman along with his friend, a Scotsman, pulled in for another fill-up. Again he asked for his free sex. The proprietor again gave him the same story, and asked him to guess the correct number. Paddy guessed 2 this time. The proprietor said, 'Sorry, it was 3. You were close, but no free sex this time.'
As they were driving away, the Scotsman said to Paddy,'I think that game is rigged and he doesn't really give away free sex.'
The Irishman replied, 'No it ain't. It's not rigged at all. My wife won twice last week.'
@BMD
Honest Paddy
'A gas station owner who happened to be an Englishman in Cork was trying to increase his sales .So he put up a sign that read,
" Free Sex with Fill - Up. "
Soon Paddy pulled in, filled his tank and asked for his free sex. The owner told him to pick a number from 1 to 10.
If he guessed correctly, he would get his free sex. the Irishman guessed 8, and the proprietor said, 'You were close. The number was 7. Sorry. No sex this time.'
A week later, the Irishman along with his friend, a Scotsman, pulled in for another fill-up. Again he asked for his free sex. The proprietor again gave him the same story, and asked him to guess the correct number. Paddy guessed 2 this time. The proprietor said, 'Sorry, it was 3. You were close, but no free sex this time.'
As they were driving away, the Scotsman said to Paddy,'I think that game is rigged and he doesn't really give away free sex.'
The Irishman replied, 'No it ain't. It's not rigged at all. My wife won twice last week.'
@BMD
British Airways stewardess claims to offer on-board sexual services; airline starts probe
A spokesman of British Airways said, "We expect the highest standard of behaviour from all of our colleagues at all times, and we are investigating the claims"
British Airways stewardess claims to offer on-board sexual services; airline starts probe
A spokesman of British Airways said, "We expect the highest standard of behaviour from all of our colleagues at all times, and we are investigating the claims"
What's this, Paddy? I mean, we know Brexit & the Chinese virus has crippled the Brit economy but is it so bad that BA has ceased paying it's employees & this is what cabin crew has to resort to? @BMDBritish Airways stewardess claims to offer on-board sexual services; airline starts probe
A spokesman of British Airways said, "We expect the highest standard of behaviour from all of our colleagues at all times, and we are investigating the claims"www.google.com
British Airways stewardess claims to offer on-board sexual services; airline starts probe
A spokesman of British Airways said, "We expect the highest standard of behaviour from all of our colleagues at all times, and we are investigating the claims"
Not compared to Dutch, Polish, Thai etc.but for sex British girls are famous.
(even not drunk. It happens sometime).