Funny Stuff

randomradio said:
You're rubbing it in, aren't you? France won the 2018 world cup.
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Yes. But what I’m trying to is ask them to clarify if what bmd said is true. England playing football? Never heard of it. Almost like Greece playing the ipl. Since bmd does stretch the truth every now and then, just thought I’ll ask the experts.
 
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HOW DID THE JEWS GET THE TEN COMMANDMENTS?

God went to the Arabs and said, 'I have Commandments for you that will make your lives better.'

The Arabs asked, 'What are Commandments? Can you give us an example?'

God said, 'For example .......... Thou shall not kill.'

The Arabs were shocked, 'What? Not kill? No way! Killing and massacring innocent people is our birth-right and the only reason for our existence. No, we are not interested. '

So God went to the Africans and said, 'I have Commandments.'

The Africans wanted an example.

God said, 'For example ........... Honor thy Father and Mother.'

The Africans were dismayed. They said, 'Father? Yo maan! Can't tell for sure who our fathers are, maan! '

So God went to the Mexicans and said, 'I have Commandments.'

The Mexicans wanted an example.

God said, 'For example ........... Thou shall not steal.'

The Mexicans were flabbergasted. They said, 'No steal? No steal?? Hey Senor, we no steal then how we live, huh? Gracias, but no! '

So God went to the Irish and said, 'I have Commandments.'


The Irish wanted an example.

God said, 'For example ........... Thou shall not take the Lord's name in vain.'

The Irish were stunned. They said, 'No swearing by the Lord? Jesus fxxxing Christ!! Hey look , if we can't swear by the Lord, we wouldn't be Irish, huh? Thanks, but no! '

So God went to the French and said, 'I have Commandments.'

The French wanted an example.

God said, 'For example ........... Thou shall not commit adultery.'

The French were sad. They said, 'What? Non commit le adultery ....... ? Non, non, non. Non Monsieur. Pardonnez nous. We, le French, must have la romance. '

So God went to the Jews and said, 'I have Commandments.'

The Jews asked, 'Commandments? How much do they cost?'

God replied, 'Nothing. They are free.'

The Jews answered, 'Good. We shall take Ten ! ' 🤭
 
An Australian ventriloquist visiting Pakistan 🇵🇰 walks into a small village and sees a local farmer Usman sitting on his porch patting his pet rabbit. He figures he'll have a little fun.

*Ventriloquist*: "G'day Mate! Good looking rabbit, mind if I speak to him"

*Usman*: "The rabbit doesn't talk, you stupid Aussie"

*Ventriloquist*: 'Hello rabbit, how's it going mate?'

*Rabbit*: 'Doin' all right.'

*Usman*: (look of extreme shock)

*Ventriloquist*: 'Is this villager your owner?' (pointing at Usman)

*Rabbit*: 'Yep'

*Ventriloquist*: 'How does he treat you?'

*Rabbit*: 'Real good. He feeds me great food and takes me to the farm once a week to play.'

*Usman*: (look of utter disbelief)

*Ventriloquist*: 'Mind if I talk to your horse?'

*Usman*: 'Uh, the horse doesn't talk either.... I think.'

*Ventriloquist*: 'Hey horse, how's it going buddy?'

*Horse*: 'Cool'

*Usman*: (absolutely dumbfounded)

*Ventriloquist*: 'Is this your owner?' (pointing at the villager)

*Horse*: 'Yep'

*Ventriloquist*: 'How does he treat you?'

*Horse*: 'Pretty good, thanks for asking. He rides me regularly, brushes me down often and keeps me in the barn to protect me from the elements.'

*Usman*: (total look of amazement)

*Ventriloquist*: 'Mind if I talk to your goat?'

_*Usman*_: *That goat's a *censored*ing liar, I didn't do anything I swear*
 
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