Funny Stuff

[Schwifty]

 

[_Anonymous_]

Do something like this at your funeral, Paddy. At least be unintentionally facetious! @BMD

 

[BMD]

Do something like this at your funeral, Paddy. At least be unintentionally facetious! @BMD

"Oh crap, it's _Anonymous_."

 

[BMD]

Woman accused of sneaking into Bronx Zoo lion den due in court

 

[_Anonymous_]

"Oh crap, it's _Anonymous_."

View attachment 11277

Paddy's walking home from the pub when he finds a woman tied to the railway track.

He frees her and takes her home where they make passionate love all night.

The next day Paddy's drinking with Seamus when he boasts about the night before.

"So what does she look like Paddy?" asks Seamus.

"I don't know," replies Paddy. "I haven't found her head yet!"

 

[BMD]

Paddy's walking home from the pub when he finds a woman tied to the railway track.

He frees her and takes her home where they make passionate love all night.

The next day Paddy's drinking with Seamus when he boasts about the night before.

"So what does she look like Paddy?" asks Seamus.

"I don't know," replies Paddy. "I haven't found her head yet!"

 

[_Anonymous_]

View attachment 11278

Paddy goes to his doctor complaining about being constipated.

The doctor says: "Try these and come back next week."

A week later Paddy returns and the doctor asks: "Did the treatment work?"

"No," Paddy says. "Were they supposed to go up me *censored*?"

 

[_Anonymous_]

Brexit-Warrior-Steve #SplitTheVoteGetRevoke (@StevieBrexit) Tweeted:
When the media say grooming gangs are Asian, let's remember that is a slur on British Sikhs, as they vehemently oppose the Muslims who practise this perversion and support the victims, many of whom are young Sikh girls Brexit-Warrior-Steve #SplitTheVoteGetRevoke on Twitter (

https://twitter.com/x/status/1193123846544642048

)

Simon Barrow (@sibaz72) Tweeted:
@StevieBrexit @FenrirWolf26 We all know who they mean. On a completely different note, is that a man in a dress or a woman with a beard?? (

https://twitter.com/x/status/1193162110450176003

)

Is Barrow an Irish surname, Paddy?

Brexit-Warrior-Steve #SplitTheVoteGetRevoke (@StevieBrexit) Tweeted:
When the media say grooming gangs are Asian, let's remember that is a slur on British Sikhs, as they vehemently oppose the Muslims who practise this perversion and support the victims, many of whom are young Sikh girls Brexit-Warrior-Steve #SplitTheVoteGetRevoke on Twitter (

https://twitter.com/x/status/1193123846544642048

)

Simon Barrow (@sibaz72) Tweeted:
@StevieBrexit @FenrirWolf26 We all know who they mean. On a completely different note, is that a man in a dress or a woman with a beard?? (

https://twitter.com/x/status/1193162110450176003

)

Is Barrow an Irish surname, Paddy?

@BMD

 

[BMD]

A man from Karachi and a man from Mumbai walk into a bar.

Bar man looks up and says, "Get the f*ck out of here."

 

[_Anonymous_]

A man from Karachi and a man from Mumbai walk into a bar.

Bar man looks up and says, "Get the f*ck out of here."

I'm waiting for the punchline, Paddy. Like this -


Two Irish couples decide to swap partners for the night.

After 3 hours of amazing sex, Paddy says: "I wonder how the girls are getting on".

 

[BMD]

Two Mumbai couples decide to swap partners for the night.

After 3 hours of amazing sex, _Anonymous_ says: "I wonder how the cows are getting on".

 

[_Anonymous_]

Two Mumbai couples decide to swap partners for the night.

After 3 hours of amazing sex, _Anonymous_ says: "I wonder how the cows are getting on".

Paddy and Seamus are sitting in a small town bar.

Paddy brags: "You know, I've had every woman in this town.

"Except me mammy, of course!"

Well then," says Seamus. "Between you and I, we've had 'em all!"

 

[BMD]

_Anonymous_ and Al-Baghdadi are sitting in a small town bar.

_Anonymous_ brags: "You know, I've had every farm animal in this town.

"Except me goats, of course!"

Well then," says Al-Baghdadi. "Between you and I, we've had 'em all!"

 

[Gautam]

He is already dead. He just doesn't know it yet.

 

[_Anonymous_]

_Anonymous_ and Al-Baghdadi are sitting in a small town bar.

_Anonymous_ brags: "You know, I've had every farm animal in this town.

"Except me goats, of course!"

Well then," says Al-Baghdadi. "Between you and I, we've had 'em all!"

FOUR REASONS JESUS MUST'VE BEEN IRISH

1) He lived at home until he was 30

2) Just before he died he went drinking with his mates

3) His mam thought he was God

4) He thought his mam was a virgin

 

[BMD]

1 reason he must have been _Anonymous_.

1) His mother gave birth to him in a stable.

 

[_Anonymous_]

1 reason he must have been _Anonymous_.

1) His mother gave birth to him in a stable.

Paddy stops by the pub on the way home from the doctor.

"What's the matter?" Seamus asks as he walks in.

Paddy replies: "I haven't been feeling meself recently."

"Good!" says Seamus. "That was a nasty little habit you had!"

 

[BMD]

A cow stops by the barn on the way home from the vet.

"What's the matter?" _Anonymous_ asks as he walks in.

The cow replies: "I haven't been feeling meself recently."

"Good!" says _Anonymous_. "That's my job!"

 

[_Anonymous_]

A cow stops by the barn on the way home from the vet.

"What's the matter?" _Anonymous_ asks as he walks in.

The cow replies: "I haven't been feeling meself recently."

"Good!" says _Anonymous_. "That's my job!"

Paddy's mom was ready to give birth to Paddy so his dad rushed her to hospital.

On arrival the nurse asks: "How dilated is she?"

To which Paddy's dad replies: "Oh Jaysus, we're both over the feckin' moon!"

 

[BMD]

_Anonymous_'s mom was ready to give birth to him so his dad rushed her to the vet.

On arrival the nurse asks: "How dilated is she?"

To which _Anonymous_'s dad replies: "Oh Jaysus, she jumped over the moon and the dish ran away with the spoon!"